Some break up advice

Trust me I am not a relationship expert, however I know that these points helped me so far.  Even if this helps just one person out there, my work is done.

1) Friends and family – you have to talk it out.  Every little confusing detail.  Don’t ever think that you are burdening them.  That is what they are there for and quite frankly, they really do show how much they love you in times of need.  A good friend of mine said, “Heather, go home to your family, be all warm and snug and let them take care of you”.  You absolutely should.  You may feel like a child by doing that and lets face it, we are adults, but you are their child.  It’s absolutely instinctual for them to protect you.

2) Watch absolute rubbish on TV, maybe something you thought you’d hate, or something your other half wouldn’t have liked you watching.  I now have a serious love for The Only Way is Essex.  It’s so naf, but it helped me get through this very rough time in my life because it took my mind off my life and my heartache.  Plus it was the only thing that could help me fall asleep!

3) Avoid music for the first few days, or weeks if you love and treasure music like I do. My sister told me that.  She told me point blank, “do not listen to John Mayer, do not listen to the Beatles, don’t even listen to Incubus, they’ll be tainted forever”.  Suffer in silence then?! No, of course not.  Music means a lot to me, so I chose my play list carefully, not involving my most beloved artists.  I knew Taylor Swift’s Red is what I needed.  It’s funny how much you listen to something and it’s so fitting to your situation that you think it was actually written for you.  I would like to give Taylor a hug for writing so poignantly.

4) Take time off work if you need to.  There is no shame in that.  I took three days off… I could have done with longer but you can drive yourself mad at home if you don’t throw yourself back into normality.

5) Then, throw yourself into work.  Luckily for me, work was ramped up a fair few notches after my break up which has worked out very well for me.  It’s time to shine.  Hobbies? Throw yourself into those too and find some new ones.

6) Listen to your heart and your most dark thoughts.  Don’t ignore them.  Don’t put on your best brave face, with a copious amount of MAC blush.  It won’t get you anywhere.  Soon enough it would melt off and reveal the real you anyway.  Be the real you from the get go. 

7) In an odd way, soak it all up, feel dreadful, feel sorry for yourself, cry, stay in bed all day if you want to.  You should feel and embrace this in the beginning.  Denial is not nice.  Especially with break ups, sweeping statements such as “oh I’m fine, I knew it was coming, we just weren’t right for each other” – some statements might be true and heavily philosophical, but are you really digging deep into your heart? It’s best to dig deep, let it all out now rather than six months down the line. 

8) Time. Time. Time.  You won’t feel like this forever.  ‘This’ is implied meaning.  You know how you feel right now.  You can’t describe it.  It’s that heavy hearted feeling.  I’m told that time is the most important element for getting over anything in your life.  You may feel like there’s a huge cloud hanging over you all the time and that you’re haunted.  It won’t be like that forever.